For many children, losing a grandparent is their first close experience of death. A grandparent may have been the person who did school pickups, taught them a card game, or simply always had time to listen. This guide offers gentle, practical ways to help a child keep those memories, adjusted for different ages and personalities. Take what fits your family and leave the rest.
Start with honest, simple words
Children's hospitals and bereavement charities share one starting point: clear, direct language works better than gentle-sounding phrases that can confuse. Nemours KidsHealth suggests calm, simple words such as "Grandma died today," then pausing so your child can take it in. The UK children's grief charity SeeSaw points out in its grandparent booklet that phrases like "gone to sleep" or "we've lost Grandma" can be really confusing for young children.
It's also okay for your child to see that you are sad. SeeSaw notes that children may avoid talking if they think it will upset you, and may keep asking questions for months. Answering honestly, in small pieces, keeps the door open.
Explain what is changing
If a grandparent was part of everyday life, the gaps can feel very practical to a child: who walks them to the bus now, where they go after school. KidsHealth recommends telling children what to expect ahead of time, for example, "Aunt Sara will pick you up on Tuesdays like Grandpa used to." A predictable routine can be a quiet comfort while everything else feels different.
Give them a small role in saying goodbye
Many families find that children cope better when they're included and prepared, rather than left out. KidsHealth suggests explaining ahead of time what will happen at a funeral or memorial and letting the child decide whether and how to take part, and the NHS notes that leaving children out of family ceremonies can make them feel excluded. Small, optional roles might include:
- Choosing a song, a flower or a photo to display
- Drawing a picture or writing a short note to place with flowers
- Reading a few lines, if they want to, with an adult standing beside them
Choosing not to go is okay too. You can plan a simple goodbye at home instead.
Make a memory box together
A memory box is one of the most widely recommended ideas for grieving children, suggested by Child Bereavement UK, Sesame Workshop and SeeSaw alike. Any box with a lid works, even a shoebox your child decorates with crayons, stickers or photos.
Things families often add for a grandparent:
- A scarf, hat, tie or pair of reading glasses they wore
- A bottle of their perfume, aftershave or soap, since scent can bring memories back
- Photos of days out, birthday cards or postcards they sent
- Something from a hobby: a seed packet for a gardener, a fishing lure, a recipe card
- Pictures your child drew for them, or the program from the service
As each item goes in, ask your child why they chose it. Child Bereavement UK suggests that this simple question helps children talk about the person and their feelings. A short note for each object helps too, since the story behind a ticket stub is easy to forget years later. Older children and teens may prefer a digital box: a folder of voice messages, videos, photos and a playlist on a phone or tablet.
Keep their stories in everyday life
Children sometimes worry that they will forget. Gentle, ongoing habits can reassure them that remembering is welcome:
- A memory jar. SeeSaw describes a large jar and slips of paper. Whenever anyone remembers something about Grandma, they write or draw it and drop it in. On harder days, you can read a few together. Relatives can add their own memories too.
- A pocket photo album. A few prints in a small album for a school bag or bedside.
- Story time about them. Ask older relatives to share what Grandpa was like as a child, or how he met Grandma. Children often love hearing the same story again and again.
- Cook their recipe. Making Nana's pancakes or Pop's chili together turns a memory into something you can taste. If you'd like to keep those recipes safe, our guide to making a memory recipe book walks through it.
Remember them on special days
Birthdays, holidays and family gatherings are often when a grandparent's absence is felt most, SeeSaw notes. A small, child-led ritual can give those days a shape. You might plant bulbs or a small shrub in their favorite color, light a candle at the table, play their favorite music in the car, or let your child write a birthday card and keep it in the memory box. You could ask your child what Grandma would have liked best; their answers are often wonderfully specific.
Let them play, and watch for when to ask for help
Grief can be tiring for children, and it often comes in short bursts between ordinary play. Laughing or wanting to go to a friend's house doesn't mean they've forgotten. KidsHealth suggests listening for a few minutes, then moving on to something comforting together, like drawing, cooking or a walk.
Most children manage the loss of a grandparent with the steady support of the adults around them. If your child's distress lasts more than a few weeks, or the death was sudden or traumatic, KidsHealth advises talking with your child's doctor. In the US, the National Alliance for Children's Grief lists children's grief centers and camps. If you or anyone in your family is in crisis, you can call or text 988 to reach the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline.
A gentle closing thought
There is no right way for a child to remember a grandparent. Some talk about them every day; others bring up a memory months later, out of nowhere. Keeping the door open and the stories going is often enough. And while you care for a grieving child, be patient with your own grief too.