Lighting a candle is one of the simplest ways people mark a loss. It needs no special words, no audience and no religious tradition, though it can hold all of those if you want it to. In the darker months especially, a small flame can give a family a few quiet minutes to think about someone together. This guide gathers ideas for holding a candle lighting at home or joining one in your community, plus the safety basics that keep the moment calm. Take what fits and leave the rest.
Why a candle lighting can help
Hospice and bereavement groups often suggest small rituals during the holidays. The Hospice Foundation of America describes rituals as a way to honor a memory and keep a connection, and lists lighting a special candle at mealtime among its examples (Hospice Foundation of America). A candle lighting is short, it can include people of any age, and it gives everyone something to do with their hands when words feel hard.
It also doesn't have to happen on a holiday. Some families light a candle on a birthday, an anniversary or simply a Sunday evening that feels right.
The Worldwide Candle Lighting on December 13
One of the best-known observances is the Worldwide Candle Lighting organized by The Compassionate Friends, a support organization for families after the death of a child. It takes place on the second Sunday in December. In 2026 that is Sunday, December 13, at 7:00 p.m. local time, when people light candles for one hour to remember sons, daughters, brothers, sisters and grandchildren who have died. Because it starts at 7 p.m. in each time zone, the candles move around the world like a wave over 24 hours. The organization lists local services and also offers virtual programs, and it opens an online memorial wall for messages in December (The Compassionate Friends).
Many people simply light a candle at home at 7 p.m. If you are supporting a friend whose child has died, quietly mentioning that you will light a candle that evening can be a gentle way to show you remember.
Ideas for a simple candle lighting at home
- One candle, one moment. Light a candle before a meal and pause for a minute of quiet, or say the person's name. Hospice Austin suggests a lit candle at an empty place setting as one way to show that someone is remembered (Hospice Austin).
- A candle for each person. If your family is remembering more than one loved one, each can have their own small candle, perhaps beside a photo.
- Candles with meanings. Some families light several candles in turn, each standing for something such as a memory, love or courage, with a different person lighting each one and saying a sentence or two.
- Share one story. While the candle burns, invite anyone who wants to share a favorite memory, a saying of theirs or a song they loved. No one has to speak.
- Read something short. A poem, a prayer from your own tradition or a few lines you write yourself. An original example: "We light this for you, and for every evening you made brighter."
- End gently. Decide ahead of time how you will finish, for example by blowing the candle out together or with a final moment of quiet.
Including children
Children often like having a job. They might choose the candle, decorate a jar for a tealight, place a photo or drawing nearby, or say the person's name. Let them take part as much or as little as they want, and keep matches and lighters with an adult. If you're looking for more ideas, our guide on helping a child remember a grandparent has gentle suggestions for memory boxes and special days.
Keeping it safe
A memorial candle is still an open flame, and the holidays are a busy time in many homes. The National Fire Protection Association (NFPA) recommends keeping candles at least one foot (30 cm) from anything that can burn, using sturdy holders on an uncluttered surface, never leaving a burning candle unattended, blowing candles out before leaving the room or going to bed, and not burning a candle all the way down. It also advises never using a candle where oxygen is used in the home (NFPA candle safety).
If you'd like a light that stays on overnight, near a bed or in a home with small children, pets or oxygen equipment, a battery-operated flameless candle is a safer choice. NFPA suggests flameless candles as an alternative, and they can carry the same meaning.
Joining a community candle lighting
Hospices, hospitals, places of worship and support groups often hold remembrance services in December, sometimes with candles, readings or names read aloud. Your local hospice or The Compassionate Friends' chapter listings are good places to start. Going with a friend can make it easier, and you're free to sit at the back or step out if you need to. If being around others feels like too much this year, lighting a candle at home at the same time counts just as much.
If it feels hard
There is no right way to feel during a candle lighting. Some people find it comforting, others find it brings up tears, and some prefer to skip it one year and return to it later. All of those are okay. If grief starts to feel overwhelming, reaching out to a hospice bereavement program, a support group or your doctor can help, and in the U.S. you can call or text 988 at any time to reach the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline.
However you choose to mark the season, a small light and a spoken name can be enough.